When was the last time you met someone who didn’t want to change something in some aspect of their life? Now think about how often those talking about change don’t quite get to the point of action although the quest for personal development beckons. When was the last time I experienced a decent change and it all went according to plan?
The more I listen and collaborate with those who seek change the lack of resilience skill rears its head as solid barrier. Experience tells me building resilience on any level provides a foundation for change.
So why should you care? Because life happens, change happens and will continue to happen and sometimes it can be shitty.
How often do you feel like you are wearing a mask in some capacity, afraid to step out and show what you’re really thinking and who you really are, for fear of judgment? But what if expressing who you really are was far more impactful?
According to Google resilience is “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”
Resilience to me is the ability to look fear in the face and know that you have it within to be resourceful, move past it and bounce back.
The reference to toughness by Google may lead one to believe that vulnerability and asking for help may not fit the resilience mould. Experience tells me allowing yourself to be vulnerable, showing emotion, passion and actually sharing that you don’t have the answers, but your willing to find them, builds resilience.
“You can choose courage or you can choose comfort but you cannot choose both” – Brene Brown
At a recent Wine and Whiteboards session debating solutions to how we stop girls from losing their confidence participant Stephanie Gaddin stated passionately
“you can’t teach resilience. You have to learn it through mistakes and failure.”
This struck a cord. Since leaving the security of a sixteen year blue chip pay cheque and building a concept from the ground up I’ve realized that the more mistakes I make and the more things don’t go according to plan the more resilient I am becoming.
So for those of you interested in building just a little more resilience into your day below are five simple tactics I employ that turn a bad day around just that little bit quicker.
1. Acknowledge The Feeling
When change happens allow yourself to be present and acknowledge how it makes you feel. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to marinade on why you feel the way you do before you act. But be careful to set a time limit on your marinade because the action will breed the clarity on where to next.
2. Choose Your Energy
Make a conscious choice to focus on the things that you can control not those that you can’t. Direct your energy towards the potential outcomes you can positively impact.
3. Ask Yourself How Much This Matters To You?
A beautiful friend Amy Crawford once said to me, when things don’t go according to plan I ask myself if someone came along tomorrow and took this problem away from me how would I feel? She said if the answer is relieved I give myself permission to let it go.
4. Be Vulnerable
Vulnerability is a powerful way to build resilience. It allows us to express who we truly are and how we actually feel. Dipping your toe into vulnerability can be freeing even though it is frightening. It’s a way to become more relatable and authentic. Stop being a afraid to share what you really think, you may actually be surprised to find there are others who think the same way.
5. Get Problem Solving
I believe that there is a solution to every problem otherwise why would the likes of Elon Musk, Richard Branson and many others invest significantly in proving the impossible. You don’t have to be them to apply similar thinking principles. I find problem solving works best for me when there is human connection to bounce off, a little research online and the head space to focus.
6. Own It
If you want to build resilience holding yourself to account on the outcomes you can influence helps. There is a brilliant new resource for personal accountability which can be found at stickk.com Their mission is simple
“stickK empowers you to better your lifestyle. We offer you the opportunity, through ‘Commitment Contracts’, to show to yourself and others the value you put on achieving your goals.”
So jump on, set a goal, pledge a donation to a charity that you will pay as a penalty if you don’t deliver and ring in an accountability buddy.
In case you’re wondering when I last experienced fear or vulnerability and leveraged these tactics. The answer – just this morning when a collaboration in New York fell through that I had been working for a few months. Five hours later where am I at? Focusing on what I can control, reaching out through technology to connect myself to new like minds across the globe to find another way. Who knows where it will lead but the vibe feels good.